While I don’t want any negativity in my life, the Double-Negatives have been useful in at least three (became five soon after!) ways during my decade-long writing career centred here in the greenYgrey world. As the arrival of Yellowism in the art world raised the level of the Greenygrey middle y, the Double-Negatives in my life have:
- Furthered my understanding of humanity.
- Provided ideas for negative characters.
- Made me want to mature and be independent.
- Made isolating myself to write easier.
- By rising above them I score Nietzschian Superman points.
Knowing the Double-Negatives’ egotistical narcissism, they will probably now claim they deserve reward for their negativity, and any positivity I have engineered from it.
Rebuilding the Personality and Psyche II
That’d be a bit like the bombers of a city wanting thanks when the city is rebuilt, and is more modern and functional than the one the bombs damaged.
I didn’t ask to be in any of their lives, and our meetings were either by chance or arranged by someone else. I was happy to spend time with most of them until I felt they saw our relationship was one of their benevolence in spending time with me, and my desperation to be a part of their lives.
I’ve been living an independent life for most or all of it, since I can remember anyway. While I usually enjoy time with humanity, if I spend too much time with them, I feel I need to spend time alone, and vice-versa. I think this is balanced, but some people seem to feel the need to be with humanity all the time.
The First Lightning Strike
If I have a fault in my personality it’s that I don’t care enough about humanity, or want to be a part or dependent on them enough: maybe that was influenced by childhood trauma I don’t remember? So when people think I’m desperate to be a part of their lives, even after avoiding them for years, it is like a big insult to how I view myself, the child I was who survived early loss, and a big mistake on their part: either because they weren’t intelligent enough to understand me, or because they view themselves too highly, thinking I must want to be spending time with their scintillating personalities.
Please do mark me down for not caring enough about you if you’ve been a friend, or being a love ’em and leave ’em love-rat (rather than a lovely anagram star Love the mixed-up vole) with women in the past (perhaps influenced by the ADHD brain I think I have, where long relationships seem daunting), before my 13 years of celibacy dedication, but you only do yourself a disservice and get it badly wrong if you think I particularly need you.
My attitude used to be that there’s always another beautiful woman around the corner. Since I started trying to be ethical and honest the corner is a very long one, but I’m not going to cut the corner and look for a short-cut. Supermen keep on going to the end…
Do I deserve bad luck karma in my love life? Probably, but no more than most men. I’ve probably loved and left more than the average, but I think I’ve been more honest and loved/liked them more while with them, judging on most of my ex-friends’ boy talk and faithfulness.
POP – greenYgrey3 is Me and My Third Personality?
Those who know or have known me who think they are a big influence or part of the greenygrey probably don’t realise it’s all about me, and my search for my own philosophy.
Now, as I reach the end of another blog post, not knowing where it was going at the start, fuelled by a couple of mugs of coffee, I suddenly think that the greenYgrey3 could refer to me being on my third personality, after two big lightning strikes during my life probably bringing big changes in my brain, mind and attitude.
After a decade of greenYgrey, and a year after the end of the trilogy, these thoughts have just dawned on me – showing the value of continued research in the exciting new academic field of greenYgreyology!
Double-negatives will probably see double negativity in this blog, either jumping on my admission of using women, or considering it a pathetic attempt to garner sympathy.
It’s neither. Like the rest of my writing over the last decade, and bands like Guns N’ Roses, The Pretty Reckless and Rammstein; or writers like Jack Kerouac, Paul Beatty and Karl Ove Knausgaard; or artists like Marcel Duchamp, Tracy Emin and Andy Warhol; I’m analysing myself and using myself as an example of human thinking, to challenge and further humanity, society and civilisation.
Here’s a greenYgrey readYmade celebrating the centennial anniversary of Duchamp’s toilet to fountain landmark work called Janus 3-A2C to highlight philosophy’s origins in Greek/Roman philosopher/religion, after I saw the two-sided Roman god Janus in the movie The Tourist recently, and a search for images of it brought up a couple of women called Janus in greenYgrey images (you can find out who they are by doing the same search):
I write this because it’s what I’m most interested in, what I’ve been trained in, what I know most about, what work that gives me the most pleasure (mixing knowledge, research, writing and artistic creation) and what I think society should most be interested in about me.
I also hope to help those who are most at risk from men; who can be a good thing in the world, but are often also the most dangerous; nice women, children and animals.
I find it hard to imagine a world without me and men (or returning to letter wordplay, men without me, as it would be reduced to just an n), but when I can conceive of such a world, I think in many ways for most life (God’s creations if there is one) it would be much better.
Available to buy or borrow on Amazon and some great big bookshops.