When publicising my third of a trilogy XaW Files: Beyond Humanity I described it as the culmination of a decade of travelling, decade of further education and decade of creative writing.
This is one way of living your life. I don’t claim it’s the best; just the way I wanted to live mine.
Three Decades, Mental Escapades
There was no life-plan at the start of it. In fact, when I started travelling I just planned to travel Europe and then follow Kerouac’s journey across America to California, where L.A. Metal was in full flow. Instead, I ventured into Africa’s tip in Egypt, and then went to Asia and Australia. So the Americas were the last highly populated continents I visited, and L.A. Metal had died down by the time I reached California.
Having accomplished my travel ambitions I looked for a new challenge, and entered further education. I didn’t expect to be accepted into the University of Leeds from my Access Course, and was delighted when I made it. I only expected to do a BA, but was improving towards the end of it, so I continued to MA, and did well in that, so continued to a PhD. After doing well in the previous years I aimed to finish it before the three years expectation, but got bogged down in poor supervision in the first year, and maybe department/cultural politics, and it took five years. Two years of those were waiting for an appeal against not being upgraded after the first year, and officially I still finished in three years. I did continue doing some work in the two years I was off, so that helped towards my finish time; that’s me giving the whole picture, knowing it’s a negative for me, greenYgrey style. You can take up to five or six years anyway.
My creative writing decade also developed as it went along. I’d always wanted to emulate Kerouac and write a travel memoir, and had my first travel journey published after a few years. The poetry and fiction just developed out of that; the fantasy travel by Google Maps was just an escapist release and a bit of fun at first, but developed into the main interest over my fifth decade in life.
One Way, In and Out Tray
I consider myself successful in the life I’ve led, and resent it when men try and assess me in their mental context, making out I’m a failure because I don’t have much social power, materialism and relatively little money. Ironically, some of them were the best anarchist hippies! Seeing those who’ve now become Nazi-style Zionist-haters I think they probably made the right decision!!
I know now that some ‘negatives’ aren’t necessarily being malicious towards me, it’s just that they don’t have the mental capacity to imagine any mind other than their own: they can only see the world one way, in line with their ambitions.
I also resent the ‘upwardly mobile’ women who think I want to be with them, or that I’m unworthy because I don’t have social status. I’ve been trying to help the women of the world for the last decade, but most of them still try bringing a sexual reason into it, when I have no interest in them. They are either unable or unwilling to accept my human support, and still want to see the world through their blinkered sexist viewpoints: men just want to use them, and they just want to use men.
The conformist suburban lifestyle was anathema to the 1950s Beats, but Kerouac ended up living a similar life. I think I know how he felt now, as the ambitions and testosterone of youth fade, and you become calmed into watching the world rather than thinking you can shape it significantly. So I don’t think I was necessarily wrong in thinking the way I did during the conception and early years of the greenYgrey; it was just the time of my life, rather than the time of the world. I obviously used to think more out of myself and into the world, and now think more from the world into myself.
Enlightenment, age, mental health or reason? I don’t know, but I do know the brain is a much more complex, powerful and unknown organ than I ever imagined in my youth; and that’s from learning the newest science rather than experience.
Don’t Care about Hair
I also resent the world women who think that I was supporting them because I wanted to be with them. That was one of the reasons for the growth in the greenYgrey Y, and my celibacy: to try and show how I don’t care about seeing hair myself, and if any hair does brighten my mood at all it is yellow female hair, followed by light brown hair. I don’t really care if it’s natural or dyed. I think female hair is nice, especially when long, but it isn’t a big issue, and clothes and footwear are generally what makes women look sexy. Hair is just natural.
I also resent people who think only of sex and race themselves and try and project that onto my writing. I liked Kerouac because of his travel and writing, not his sexuality. While the sex, drugs and rock n’ roll lifestyle was part of the appeal of heavy rock and metal, I grew out of that at least a decade ago, and have been trying to keep the greenYgrey a serious parody comedy project, avoiding sex, but appreciating adult female beauty when I think it is in line with my tastes.
I have an ‘oh no’ feeling now when I see somebody in public life has something similar to somebody I know, like even a name, as I expect the people I know to think I’m writing about them! I’m trying to write big ideas in a big world. Everything influences me, but I try and only write about people in ‘public life’ and that doesn’t include people I know who think they’re Facebook and Twitter celebrities!
And I’m self-a-were critical enough to know that could still include me!!
Your 3-D is Your Superiority
While I consider myself to have led a good and inspirational life in some ways, greenYgrey style, I know others can look at it critically, thinking me selfish and lazy, as the 1950s/1960s counter-culture is often depicted by critics.
As sportspeople can either play for lots of football clubs, or become a legend at one, I can see how people can value those who stay in one place, and work for their community all their lives. I am writing for those who feel the need to explore their mind, life and the world, not for those who have little interest in it.
I feel like using one of my favourite movie quotes, from the Magnificent Seven, with the Charles Bronson character saying the farmers were the real heroes, but I don’t really feel like making some of them even more egotistical and righteous. Sometimes the local people can be the problem, whether it’s in the inner cities or rural areas.
Maybe my ‘enlightenment’ is just reaching the middle-age centre where many people live their lives all the time. Like many philosophical thinkers, I have probably lived a better theoretical life, looking out to the world and hoping for a future utopia, while others have lived a better ‘human’ life within their family and community. That’s only the ones who haven’t cheated and lied, and put themselves first while playing the great social philanthropist; saying it’s all for their family, community etc.
I guess what I’m trying to say, greenYgrey style, is that there are good and bad people everywhere, and good and bad ways of living your life, both for yourself and others. It’s up to you what type of life you want to lead, if you have that freedom, and I can’t choose your life for you.
I can only give my opinion from my 3-D of adult life, trying to be true to my doctor of philosophy award, and giving the tax-paying public some value for money… and trying to sell some books or loans in line with my self-employed writer status!
More Inspiring People Than Me
There are more inspiring people than me fighting illnesses and handicaps every day; or being faster, stronger or harder working; which make me defensive about what I think I am doing right. That’s trying to write truthfully to create a better world, especially for those who think similarly to me, but also for animals, environment, women and children that are not my natural allies and readership.
Nobody can do anything without some personal motive, not even Mother Theresa or Princess Diana, because there’s always some pleasure and satisfaction from philanthropy, even if there’s no financial or status rewards. I’ve been trying to keep my writing as ethical as possible, helping those I consider worthy, for the good of them and the future of our planet that we all share.
Sometimes, critical writing means that I don’t look as nice as somebody who just ignores everything, but if everybody ignored everything, I think more places would soon look like the streets of Syria.