X-Files Parody Comedy Book Fantasy Time-Travels Through Balkans

The next episode of XaW Files: Beyond Humanity continues to travel through the Balkans, specifically Bosnia, with this episode containing some time-travelling to a board-game analogy and human to bird shapeshifting, along with lots of comedy wordplay and lovely environmental news.

Dejan Lovren again stars as a wordplay cameo, this time inspiring a beautiful bird. I’d just like to correct the last XaW Files introduction: his inclusion does of course have something to do with the national team he plays for, as this part of the story is in the Balkans.

Chapter 5 Episode 13

‘What’s this city called?’ I asked.

‘Neum,’ replied Stella.

‘Yes, what’s its name please,’ I enquired.

‘No, it’s name is Neum,’ shot back Stella.

‘That reminds me of the Knights Who Say Ni,’ I replied, ‘which is a funny memory, but we haven’t got time for that, because were (sic) on a working vukation!’

Soon after that we were catapulted northwards back in time, to what looked like historic Bosnia.

A Real Hum-Zeta of a Start (wordplaying with humdinger)

It seemed to be somewhere in time between the old kingdoms of Zeta and Hum, as Uroš the Weak was weakening against Stjepan Vukčić Kosača.

(New update from the POP world: it looked like an early time of POP: PinkyOrangePurple)

I thought the XaW Files world must have disliked my vuk joke wordplay, which could of course have been more coarse, and sent us time-travelling back in time, like counters landing on snakes rather than ladders.

After their fantasy time-travelling battle, which didn’t happen in real history, Stjepan’s third wife Cecilie introduced herself to us. I must have still been loved up from our vowelacation in Montenegro, because I complimented her on her name’s double Is and Es, and her two Cs too.

Her Say Go Greener in Herzegovina

Cecilie returned the compliment, but said I should go greener to match the country’s forests, which would still cover fifty per-cent of the land in the twenty-first century.

I wondered if she was psychic, or if I’d brought the information in on me, and she was reading me like a book… like you are!

I said it was hard work being greener, but I would try, and I’m sure my Grey and Yellow wouldn’t mind taking more of a backseat, as they have already found it a long journey; especially Yellow, as it’s Y’s first ramble in a prominent position.

Talking of which, Skinner seemed to be becoming impatient, as he asked Cecilie if she knew how we could return to the modern XaW Files world and continue our rambling search for Marko Vukcic.

Zeta to Zenica by Lovren-like Lovely Wren

Cecilie began shapeshifting more gracefully than a greenYgrey, and within seconds she looked like a lovely wren resembling Dejan Lovren; in name only I might add if I may.


Image result for Sabine Wren

Sabine Wren of Star Wars


Cecilie was an awfully strong wren, as she carried all four of us through six centuries to modern Zenica; via Zvornik, Zavidovići and Zivinice Grad. The journey was so smooth, we even had time to catch up with a few ZZZs on the way!



The Knights Who Say Ni  are a band of knights from the comedy film Monty Python and the Holy Grail: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Knights_who_say_Ni
Stjepan Vukčić Kosača (1404–1466) was a medieval Bosnian duke that ruled a hereditary region in Hum: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zachlumia
Stjepan Vukčić was married three times. In 1424, he married Jelena, daughter of Balša III of Zeta (and granddaughter of his aunt, Jelena Balšić). His wife died in 1453. Two years later, he married Barbara (possibly del Balzo). She died in 1459. His final marriage, in 1460, was to a German woman named Cecilie.
Zeta: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zeta_(crown_land

Available to buy or borrow on Amazon and some great big bookshops.



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