Messi Victoria’s Secret Panties

Warning: this blog post contains satirical self-parody humour a-were (sic) that it offers my Negatives plenty of opportunity to demonise me. Brave or foolish, maybe both?! The self-parody exaggerates a truth: I would like to meet any or all Victoria’s Secret models, but don’t expect to!

I consider it to be in the greenYgrey middle, too left for the right, and right for the left, and not out of place on the Beeb’s Have I Got News For You, where I enjoy both Ian Hislop and Paul Merton’s satirical contributions.

The Funny Side

I was heart-warmed by the story of Lionel Messi inviting an Afghan boy to be his ball-boy, after his makeshift plastic bag Messi shirt went viral.

Photo of Murtaza in his homemade shirt

Murtaza joined a close-to-full-strength Barcelona team before their win over Al-Ahli

Then I thought, if I make some makeshift Victoria Secret panties, and wear them online, will they invite me to one of the Victoria Secret’s panty parties I’ve seen advertised?

Panties at VS






There Was A Time when it would have been a Guns N’ Roses t-shirt or Leeds United football shirt, but AAW-WOW have been paramount in my mind the last decade of greenYgreying, and the POPolution more recently. The Victoria’s Secret angels were like AAW-WOW becoming a reality!

One idea I had for performance self-parody was to go and demonstrate outside my local Victoria’s Secret store: calling for it to be bigger!

I have never got around to performing it, or been inside the store… or even passed it for ages!!

The Serious Positives

The serious positives for me I extrapolate from the above comedy, is that Messi and the Afghan boy’s story are a good meeting of what I presume are different religions, probably both deriving from the Middle-East where the meeting took place, although Messi and the boy are both from a lot west and east of there, showing I can look on the positives of such events, rather than being a double negative.

Victoria’s Secret models are a multi-ethnic group, and all beautiful. The models are also probably from multiple cultures, but they are united under the one Victoria’s Secret umbrella culture.


However, while they are all beautiful, and I expect everybody will have their own tastes as to which is most beautiful, and I don’t expect any to fancy or desire me, I prefer the white blonde ones, and would feel more comfortable with them; that’s not racist, it’s personal taste; especially after the last twenty years of multicultural fascism that have led to heightened racial tensions, and some white girls scared to say no because they fear being called racist… and my fellow distant-origins-Leeds-United fan and Gladiator star Russell Crowe’s experiences with Azealia Banks!

The difference between a blonde and a brunette for me is that if I was with a brunette I might still be thinking-about/missing blondes, whereas if I was with a blonde I probably wouldn’t be thinking-about/missing brunettes! I know it’s only hair, and not that important, but blonde hair can brighten the day for a someone who thinks they’re bipolar like me… especially through the often greenYgrey winter!

I know you can’t give me what I really really want for Christmas, but the next best thing would be for you to buy my book… but only if you really really want to, as otherwise it’s a waste of valuable paper!

Available to buy or borrow on Amazon and some great big bookshops.


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