I remembered U2’s New Year’s Day poem as I finished this one, and how Bono once introduced it as ‘not a rebel song’. I liked U2 for their music, and some of their liberal messages. This isn’t a rebel poem, or a revolutionary one. It is a poem remembering my thirteen years of greenYgreyvolution evolution, trying to steer humanity on the best path I could see, using words and images to set the scene.
From Youthful Adulthood to Middle-Aged
Those who knew me part of the way, and think they know the greenYgrey, and what it stood for, usually don’t. If they read the books entirely, they’d see there’s a thread taking me from youthful adulthood to middle-aged adulthood, while remembering childhood, and looking ahead: covering all time and space, from my expertise in humanities and social science to my new learning in science and creativity.
It was born out of disillusionment with academia and the left-wing, after I’d wanted to be the next Chomsky after starting my PhD in 2000. The world seems to be following me to the right, which is not where I want to be, but seems the safest place for now.
We seem to be between a rock and a hard place, as I felt I was in academia and society: between the Donald Trump-like environmental destructors and workplace groomers, and the much bigger threat of domination by cultures where that kind of behaviour is the open norm.
My Struggles and Sacrifices
I left academia in protest… mostly of my treatment. While some of the liberal-left seemed to celebrate my leaving academia in 2005 as a victory for ‘multiculturalism’ or ‘race’ I had been a leftie-liberal when I decided to leave. That was in 2001-2003, after my appeal against not being upgraded was upheld, but took two years to process.
I saw a couple of my main tutors as Trump-like, and I was rebelling against them because of their authoritarianism, but a lot of the students seemed to support them; but then, maybe that shows how people are easily indoctrinated into something that benefits them, as the students who rioted in support of a paedophile sports coach.
When I left my left-liberal friends because they ignored the grooming epidemic, and denigrated the ‘working-class’ in general, caring more about people supporting UKIP than the Rotherham report in the county where most of them lived and/or met, they made me out to be a ‘far-right EDL supporter/member’, as any working-class person who likes football and complained about it were depicted.
I’ve never had any contact with the EDL or any other ‘far-right’ group, and I think they usually consider me still too much of a liberal-leftie. Maybe the ‘far-left’ and ‘far-right’ agree in depicting me as Jewish, with most of either side not seeming to know that Judaism is a monotheistic religion, which is what I’ve been criticising the most during the last decade!
As some of my poems attested, I knew I was going through the mid-life change, and wanted to distance myself from my past, as I didn’t want to be seen as a ‘grass’. I write about society in general, not individuals, although some of the people I knew don’t deserve any respect or honour. I don’t agree with the new gangs’ grooming and rape cultures, and some right-wingers might be into animal cruelty, such as hunting or baiting, so I prefer to keep my distance.
The ‘counter-culture’ I believed in was one that was trying to create a better society; more beautiful, open, peaceful and fair; although I related more to the soldierish male side of it, feeling more pagan warrior than flower-power hippy. It didn’t really work though, and I now have a more ‘social realist’ view of humanity, although there is still a ‘Romantic’ streak still alive; maybe epitomised by the greenYgrey Y rising.
My Feminist Inspiration
I launched the greenYgrey with a feminist angle, which was partly inspired by my favourite musical, acting and modelling women; partly from my experiences with women I liked; and partly from my socialist political and social background. Debbie Harry of Blondie was my hero in the 1970s, and The Runaways took Harry’s place when I got into rock. I supported The Runaways, not their manager, Kim Fowley. Maybe that’s why I’m so suspicious of Syco Simon Cowell: will he be revealed as a Fowley in the future, or am I paranoid and stereotyping: I don’t know the answer.
It wasn’t inspired by any academics I knew, and especially not my department colleague/rival who slept with the Head of Department. I just watched Stieg Larsen’s The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo again, and remember that book’s theme as an influence (for those sheeple who try to portray me as an unlucky jinx, Larsen died before the trilogy became best sellers… and I heard of them!), as Scandinavian society is in general. Frank Miller’s Sin City movie was too, as it seemed to reflect the way British society was heading. I related to the admirers and defenders of women, as the goodish rough guys do, against those who are totally evil towards women.
It also reminded me of the LA I’d heard about from bands like Guns N’ Roses and Motley Crue, where they were friends and lovers of the strippers on Sunset Boulevard; sometimes living off the women, which is a kind of feminism I guess.
My ethical celibacy has been a part of trying to prove that I’m supporting women for the right reason, although most women still don’t seem to get the message, thinking I’m after women from my past and present I can’t stand to see, hear or even think about. Ironically, they are like a chain, with one in my current life, who I tried to treat ethically, saying I didn’t want anything to do with her sexually, thinking she knows what happened to me in university, and trying to replicate it in my current workplace.
I like women, but I don’t like all women. Some women are horrible and evil, the same as some men are. I think women have the worst of it overall, so that’s why I support them overall. I don’t support them all, or in everything, because I don’t believe they are always right. That is the greenYgrey! In Sin City, it showed a cross-section of women as well as men, with some nice ones to help, some strong ones to ally with, and some crooked ‘vamp’ ones to avoid – I just read them called vamps, and was thinking it might be an unconscious inspiration for chapter 4 of XaW Files!
Theresa May Poetic Display
While I didn’t like Margaret Thatcher I quite like Theresa May, as a politician. While I’m a socialist at heart, I think the Con-Dem alliance steadied the good ship Blighty after New Labour, and seem to have the best policies overall for the country now.
The Momentum left try to ignore all the negative effects of mass immigration, such as the social and environmental impact, and terrorism threat; and even the Green Party espoused sacrificing the green belt at the last election. I’ve heard news reports of mass building on the green belt anyway, so it seems as if the flow of humanity cannot be contained, and it will continue destroying the environment and causing the sixth mass extinction in Britain as it is in most of the world.
If you’re nice and intelligent enough to agree with me, please don’t feel sad, and especially don’t think of killing yourself to help the planet. The world needs you, and you can do more for it alive than dead. Our forms are all just atoms and energy anyway, and when we die we just reform as other creations. The life we share the world with is us, and we are them. The world and universe will continue, whether there are humans or animals here to experience and witness it or not.
This is my reality, and if you read me through filters of fools, then you will view me as a reflection of foolishness. I don’t expect Establishment reward for my writing, but it’d be nice to know that you view me through cleansed Doors of Perception (William Blake). Don’t worship me, worship yourself. As Blake recommended, create your own identity and make it into your religion if you like.
Running Ambition Achieved
I almost forgot that I’d achieved my ambition to run 5 marathons over 12 years, with 3 years in-between this year in lovely Latvia.
I did it after recovering from childhood asthma, and without having a new inhaler since I can remember: either the whole 12 years or ten of them. I don’t want to be negative towards athletes and cyclists who’ve received awards while using TUEs, such as my fellow working-class man Sir Bradley Wiggins, but I think I did quite well, and it’s a shame some of the Double Negatives spoilt the charity fundraising I’d have liked to have raised.
There’s lot’s of charities now anyway, and lots more impressive endurance athletes. However, I did what I set out to achieve, and despite the Double Negatives trying to spoil it – with stress and depression medically acknowledged as affecting the body.
So thanks for making my achievement a little more remarkable, and me a little stronger! The physical downside was probably balanced by making me more determined anyway!!
The People’s Doctor 2003 – 2016
on New Year’s Day
for the greenYgrey
years werewolf way
milked in-out tray
I had my say
come what may.
Available to buy or borrow on Amazon and some great big bookshops.