Epic Trilogy Poem: Battle of Brisbane

New recruits queue near the tombstones.

Hi, it’s Grey. I just saw that the first part of my epic Battle of Bri’s Bane epic trilogy poem has appeared on my Werewolf of Oz blog, so I thought I’d tell you straight away. We’ll bring it into the Greenygrey world as soon as possible.

Also, I’m remembering more about my epic journey all the time, and editing my final account. The penultimate paragraph of my last blog post has now changed to:

‘When we arrived at the river, more of my West Coast friends were in it: Winona, Walter, Wendy, William and Dweezil whale sharks; and Dolly the Dolphin. Moreover, there was also a ship moored there that seemed to ooze decorum amongst all the bedlam. I should have guessed who was skippering it, but I hadn’t seen him for a few months. ‘Hello, Grey, my old matey, how’s it going?’ roared a voice from the ship. It was none other than our ol’ skipper, Captain Dec O’ Rum. I asked where Dai ‘on the Seas’ was. Dec said he was doing fine, and had gone into town looking for wine and women.’

Sorry for asking you to read things twice, and thanks for reading the unfinished drafts. I hope to have ironed out all the grey areas by the end! Cheers.

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Pedigree Dogs and Wild Wolves: the Truth

English: The Gibbon wolf pack pauses in the sn...

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Hi, it’s Harry Silhouetteof-Wolfhowlingonhill. Last night there was a good but sad documentary about how pedigree dogs have been bred into deformity by decades of human engineering. Pedigree Dogs Exposed: Three Years On showed how dogs’ skulls and bones have been changed into totally different shapes in under a century; like an evolution of convenience for humanity’s vision, rather than the animal’s health. The dogs have trouble living a normal life, and even breathing in some cases. It’s available on BBC iplayer in the UK; don’t know about other availability: http://www.bbc.co.uk/i/b01cqp75/

Also, tonight at 10 on BBC4 there’s a Natural World documentary on the Wolf Pack (http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b0078ps7). I think I’ve seen it before, and it’s a warts n’ all documentary, so not all good for wolves, but is a balanced look at the wolf and how it really lives (unlike the wolfophobia of The Grey film!).

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Australia’s Greytest Travellers Reach Brisbane

Hi, it’s Grey. A couple more of my Oz blogs made it over to the Greenygrey world recently, and we’ve posted them below for you. They’re pretty long, as the virtually epic literary nonsense ramble is drawing to a thrilling conclusion, so without further ado, I’ll leave you to view:

Churchilla’s Chinchilla Commandos of Goya

Originally from Wikipedia as Chinchilla.JPG wi...

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It was great to reacquaint with the Collie twins. Everybody was enjoying the moment, although we knew that a bruising battle lay ahead with Bri’s bane. We partied through the night, with a band of Beatles  starring in the Cavern, and then set off north the next morning.

Liaising with the Chinchilla Chinchillas

Emily and Brian led us through the secret cave for ten hours, until we at last reached the safe haven of Chinchilla. The Chinchilla chinchillas were also locked in a perennial struggle with Bri’s bane, and so we were warmly welcomed.

Emily and Brian introduced us all to the chinchilla leader, Pancho Churchilla, and he thanked us for our effort and support. When evening arrived, we all ascended into the fresh air, and basked in the Chinchilla sunset chinchilla style.

Capricho nº 50: Los Chinchillas de Goya, serie...

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Chinchillas of Goya

We rested overnight underground in the burrow barracks of the Chinchillas of Goya (COG); a crack unit of chinchilla commandos that are the teeth of the chinchilla army sprocket.

They gave us their nests and slept on the floor, as their training had hardened them to such inconvenience. I didn’t like to take the nest, but we had been on a long hard journey; as long as the COG could maintain rotation without such self-maintenance.

Born to Bask

Someone had scrawled a message on the rock next to my nest that haunted my sleep that night. It said: Born to Bask, Live for Task.

It was signed CC, so I guess it must have been Cilla Chinchilla who wrote it; Pancho said she was the one who normally slept there. I thought it was a shame such a chilled chinchilla should have to live this way, and dreamt that one day soon the chinchillas would be able to once more bask in peace.

We were awoken at first light. After a short preparation we started on our final march to Bri’s bane. Nerves, excitement and fear all mixed together to activate anarchic adrenalin.

Journey To Bri’s Bane Greenslopes without Ropes

English: View of Indooroopilly from Mount Coot...

Three hours after leaving Chinchilla we received word that a rockfall had blocked the tunnel. Colin and Ollie were informed, and soon raced ahead to clear the way. Their colliering skills meant we surfaced at The Gap on schedule. The sun was reaching its apex as the COG led us into the daylight of our destiny. I had faded to grey, and felt comfortable that way.

Emily and Brian led the COG commandos at the head of our line; I had never seen such courage from a pair of hats. Although they shone with a golden hue when first meeting again, nobody could accuse them of being yella in a cowardly way.

Talking of yellow, I was missing Emily not being on my head, with the scorching sun sizzling my sight and cooking my cranium! It was a relief when we reached some tree cover.

We covertly met a covert of coots in the Mount Coot-Tha forest, and they led us over the hill. We continued east to rendezvous with a python called Pilly, and it showed us a short-cut through a secret door at Indooroopilly.

Arriving at Greenslopes for the Battle of Bri’s bane

Emerging through the outdoor, a river lay below us. Churchilla said it was Bri’s bane’s main defensive line. I couldn’t imagine how all the furry little chinchillas were going to cross the river, but I was in for another nice surprise.

When we arrived at the river, more of my West Coast friends were in it: Winona, Walter, Wendy, William and Dweezil whale sharks; and Dolly the Dolphin. Moreover, there was also a big boat moored there, and who should be skippering it but Captain Dec O’ Rum. I asked where Dai ‘on the Seas’ was. Dec said he was doing fine, and had gone into town looking for wine and women.

It was a magnificent morale booster to see them all again, and a renewed confidence surged through me. After hugs and greetings, they helped us cross the river.

Although it was a relief that we’d all traversed the water safely, arriving on the other side felt like being on the sharp end of a double-edged sword; because we were now at the foot of Greenslopes, with battalions of Bri’s bane protecting  the peak.

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Great British Countryside in Yorkshire Review and Images

Hi, it’s Harry Silhouetteof-Wolfhowlingonthehill. Yes, the Yorkshire episode of The Great British Countryside lived up to expectations, with lots of greenygreyness from beginning to end. There are a lot of great countryside places they didn’t focus on, such as the Three Peaks, Brimham Rocks, Ingleton, Scarborough to Whitby coast etc, but I suppose there’s only so many places you can fit into an hour long programme.

There were no startling new revelations, like the previous week’s copper greenygreyness, just the usual green fields and grey rocks, sea and sky. But they did look very beautiful a lot of the time, with green and grey shown to be working together in timeless harmony.

And we did notice that even the title image of the programme is in greenygrey, and looks like it might be an image from Yorkshire.

Great British Countryside in Yorkshire

Hi, it’s Harry Silhouetteof-Wolfhowlingonthehill. We’re really looking forward to tonight’s second episode of The Great British Countryside at 8pm, as it’s focusing on Yorkshire.

Yorkshire’s the home of Bronte country, with the Bronte sisters setting their novels within a brooding greenygreyness. So we’re hoping there’s lots of our favourite colour combination in tonight’s episode. It certainly looks like there will be from the photo on the programme’s site, available from the above link.

There was a lot of greenygreyness in last week’s first episode, which focused on Devon and Cornwall. While we’d seen most of it before, we were surprised to see that copper is so greenygrey. So we took a screen print to show you, and it’s copied below. There are still three weeks left to watch the first episode on iplayer in the UK; don’t know about other availability. Enjoy!

New Evidence of Wolfophobia in TV Advert

Hi, it’s Grey. I have been hearing of a growing wolfophobia in 2012, and today I saw it with my own eyes. I heard Celebrity Big Brother had wolfophobic games in the show, and The Grey film showed wolves in a false light. This is disappointing after I caught up with 2011’s Frozen Planet documentary series showing real wolves to be brave, caring and resilient; as they struggle to survive in the planet’s extremities.

Three Little Pigs Theme Used by Go Compare

Go Compare already has a reputation for naff adverts. I read on the Metro website that the company’s adverts were voted the most annoying two years running: in 2009 and 2010 .

The Three Little Pigs theme, which was also used in Celebrity Big Brother, is used by Go Compare to depict a human saving the pigs from a wolf. The wolf seems to represent the greedy people who have threatened the British economy.

Go Compare Advert Peddles a False Reality

While the Go Compare advert seems to be trying to send the message that it can be trusted, it is of course using a false reality.

The truth is that pigs have been manufactured by humanity out of boars, which are strong intelligent creatures, and not just the walking bacon and pork many people now see when they look at a pig. Therefore, it is humanity that has done most harm to pigs and their ancestors.

And rather than the wolf being greedy and destructive, it is humanity that has destroyed large areas of the world, including many homes of the wolf. Here’s the advert, followed by the new one by their Compare the Market rivals. We love the Orlovs!

For the Life of Brian is a Cause worth Dying

Hi, it’s Grey. I just saw that another of my posts from Oz has entered the Greenygrey world, so I wanted to post it here as soon as possible, as it was a very exciting time for me and my story. Enjoy!

Monty Python's Life of Brian

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Life of Brian’s Bane below Brisbane

We rushed into the cave, and hurtled through the narrow passages as if time was of the essence. My hat seemed to be getting stronger with every step, and provided enough glow for us to see clearly; it felt like I was wearing a green neon sign pointing ahead.

I started singing ‘Always look on the bright side of life…’ and the others quickly joined in.

Brian the Baggy Green

Then we turned a corner into a cavern complex. It was full of people, animals… and other objects. My hat suddenly flew off and headed straight for a baggy green hat. They met in mid-air, and embraced passionately.

Stephen Rodger Waugh, former professional cric...

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We looked in awe, as the green reunion shone like a golden wonder.

Life of Brian’s Bane

When they returned to our level, my hat almost knocked me over without touching me, as it spoke for the first time.

It said, ‘Hello Grey, my name is Emily, the Emerald Cork Hat. I am sorry I couldn’t talk to you before, but it would have been too dangerous for you. I had to wait until I was reunited with my other half, Brian the Baggy Green. It was foretold in historic hatlore that a greeny werewolf Halfling would survive a hat-trick of green tasks before reuniting the hats of hope here in the Emerald Beach cave. The union of green would lead to a top hat age of unpolluted peace and prosperity.’

I said, ‘It’s nice to talk, and it’s no problem about the previous lack of communication, but there is just one thing, for I am Grey.’

Emily seemed to smile, before asking me if I’d seen myself lately.

I looked down and was totally shocked to see that I was green all over. I had become green in the Emerald Cave without even realising it. It felt like a landmark moment, and I now felt confident I could achieve anything; just like I always think Green can. I felt like bouncing around the cave like a spring green.

However, Emily quickly brought me down to earth with a warning, ‘There are still great tests ahead, and we will require your services again if you want to remain with us. We are heading north to our destiny; a war to end all wars. For Brian it is the bane of his life. If you join us, I’m sure we can win this one last great battle, and all return to the lives we desire.’

For the Life of Brian

I looked around at my travel companions, and they all nodded in unison. I had not doubted them. I told Emily we would be proud to join her in the battle of Bri’s bane.

She thanked us, before inviting us to join the crowd in the cavern. She told me she thought I’d recognise a few faces.

Meeting Old Friends

English: Cowboy Aussie Echo

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There were indeed some familiar faces. I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw Digger the Dingo and Aussie the Australian Shepherd dog, two of the first friends I made on the trip. After catching up with my old buddies I introduced them to Angry, Cathy and Elle; because I hadn’t even met them when I met ol’ Dig and Aus. It all seemed such a long time ago now, and strange to think that I had landed in Oz all alone.

I was just getting over the surprise of Dig and Aus when there was a tap on my shoulder. When I looked around it was yet another of my dear ol’ friends from early in the journey: the very venerable Vombatus Ursinus. It was great to see it looking swell. Vombat the Wombat joined our circle and soon got to know everybody and everything.

English: Common Wombat (Vombatus ursinus tasma...

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Mine’s a Large One

I was just about half way through telling Vombat about my journey when the walls started to rumble, and some rocks broke off. Everybody looked at the epicentre with anticipation, while beginning to take guard. I wondered if it was a bulldozing blitz by Bri’s bane.

A hole started to appear, and everybody tensed. As more rocks fell a paw emerged, and then the identity of the new arrivals was revealed. Why, it was none other than Colin and Ollie, the collie collier twins from Collie.

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